Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
