Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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