it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
