at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
