So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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