You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
