and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
