No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
