Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
