5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
