I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
