i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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