Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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