So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
