quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Randomize
