You just made me feel so damn special
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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