then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
