dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
