ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
