Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
