What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
