he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
