It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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