i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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