i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We need to get me chipped asap
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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