Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.