if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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