Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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