I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
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Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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