also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
