Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
