the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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