I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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