Quick, to the slutcave!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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