it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
