I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
