You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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