worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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