they need to just BURY HIM!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
