I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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