I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
