If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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