youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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