Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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