During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
