i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
