So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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