Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You ate ashes out of my bong
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
