I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
