What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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