Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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