im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
