just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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