Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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