I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
