so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
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Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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