the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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