What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
