haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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