Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
