In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
