I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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