What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
