also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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