I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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