I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
