I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
