My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
