Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
