yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
