found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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