she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
