I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
