She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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