Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
