we're blogging at a bar
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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