i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
