your thong is hanging out like whoa
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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